TRUSTING THE PROCESS
Why do we many times unconsciously embrace the negative before we embrace the positive?
Why do we sometimes feel like our enough is not enough? Like there is something more we need to do or add that’s not already being done or added. Like our best just isn’t good enough. Even when we’re giving it our all.
Sometimes everything is going just the way its meant to go. Sometimes the amount of effort being placed is just the right amount, and there is no need to push or force the process. And sometimes all that’s needed is just a bit of flow. And if we could only learn to go with that flow, we could have so much fun and peace on our way to the destination or the manifestation. Because even when we are dreading, critiquing, and judging that there’s more that can be done….If we’re being honest with ourselves, the outcome usually evolves and works out just how it is meant to.
It all comes full circle - because our best is enough.
The creation will eventually be what it is meant to be in the end result. And compulsively judging and obsessing over the outcome or the beginning stages of it does not ensure that it comes out any better. But it does ensure that we don’t enjoy the process.
I recently held a painting session with a young girl. Every time I paint with this child I feel the interaction is bestowing something unto me in the form of insight. The freedom and fluidity and flow that children naturally possess is such a beautiful thing. And I especially love how painting can teach us so much about ourselves and life, in general. About who we are. About what we are unintentionally reinforcing within our lives.
While my painting end result came out nicely, I noticed that I judged and overly-critiqued myself majority of the way there. That it came naturally for me to openly and positively guide and reinforce the young girl I was giving a lesson to, but I did the opposite for myself. At some point her mom even came by and praised my painting but I bashly rejected and modestly stated its “not enough-ness” , “almost there-ness”, “not quite-ness.”
Now in the eyes of a painter/creator, this may seem like a small slight. It may be taken as a badge of honor and as a means to refine one’s craft. And in some cases it is, indeed. But there are some cases where it isn’t. The question is: where is the line between wanting to push one’s self to refine and be better? And wanting to push one’s self because you don’t feel good enough?
They both hold weight in my view. But one can stem from a powerful space of empowerment while the other can stem from a space of lack. For me, that space was not empowerment in that moment.
I once lived a life of over-criticality, comparison, and judgement towards my art creations and many facets of myself even. And even though, I graduated to a space of self love and positive reinforcement towards myself; this recent painting session showed me in some regards, that I was not applying that same love and reinforcement to myself while in the actual ‘creation process’.
In the end, the painting turned out to be what it was meant to be in that moment. Could I have refined and pushed myself further? Absolutely. But why do that, when I was just having a beautiful 1 hour painting experience with a young child who was enjoying the flow and creativity of her own imagination. There was no need to force or push to create a perceived masterpiece. It was more about learning to go with the flow. To recognize the unconscious pattern I was reinforcing. To make the conscious choice to do away with it. And to trust the process along the way.
